Lost.

Constantly over the last year, while I've been in Darwin and Cairns - I'll be sitting, thinking to myself "this is EXACTLY where I want to be"

There's an ad for Corona beers over here and they'll have a couple sitting on a beach on a warm afternoon and the sign says "From where you'd rather be" - everytime I see it, I get a reminder of what the fuck I'm throwing away everytime I leave a beautiful place. That ad didn't matter to me one bit while I was there, because there was no where on earth I'd rather be than in that exact spot.

I came back to help my mumma out - but things seem to be slipping back into what they were like last year at this time. So much fighting and anger goes on now that I don't know whether I should pack up again and just head back to Darwin and leave my mum here to figure out her life.

I can't sit here while she tries to sort herself out - because she's getting nowhere slow.

I don't know what to do.

I wake up not knowing what the fuck I'm doing when I'm away - but that disappears within the hour. Fuck. I wake up here feeling like I'm wasting my fucking life.

I don't think my blog is catering for the ED side of things anymore. I'm lost, and I need to figure myself out. I need to lose weight - which probably isn't possible with this fucking foetus growing inside of me.. but I can try.