ugh.

As soon as I get back home to Sydney, I start going all strange again.

I start wanting to find a relationship.
I want to be inspired.
I start becoming super upset over my time in Darwin.
I miss the boy I was with in Darwin, like absolute fucking crazy.
I start looking for ways to get out.
I start throwing up again and worrying about my weight.

Everything becomes a hassle and it all seems like a super big deal.
I just miss everything. I miss absolutely everything that I used to have and I can't shake this feeling whenever I'm here. I need to get the hell out of Sydney and back to Darwin. But it wont be the same because the old boy wont be there.

I'm a fatty. I've put on so much weight. It's disgusting. It's a determining factor on how I feel here. I'm slipping back into old shitty habits.

I was truely, satisfyingly happy in Darwin. I'd give everything to go back to the start of my time there.