Another new day - will do it PROPERLY this time.

Hello to you all? All being 2!

Last night I was watching a really good Australian movie.

It was soo good I just needed to put something in my mouth.

Out came the sour worms. I think I had half a packet.
I shouldn't be wondering why I put on those three kilos. I know why I did. I was just weak. Temptations were too strong for me. Actually, no.. I'm going to blame it on being sad. Easy excuse. I'm not weak. I'm sad. Sad over Robbo and his stupid, immature attitude.

I contradict myself a lot.
I say I'm not doing this for boys - that I don't need them in my life but then in the next sentence I'm complaining about one. A very good point was brought up in an earlier comment. About sex, I guess - and that the weight was being lost because they didn't want to be seen as sexual.
I agree with this.. but in a different way.
I want to be wanted - but not enough to be wanted sexually because.. it just doesn't appeal to me.
It doesn't make sense.
I don't want it.
I don't understand how people enjoy it?? ((Just look at all those I's would you? Me me me me))

But then I also think - maybe I don't want it because I'm afraid I'm going to be a dud? They'll try all their moves and do their best to get me there but in the end

I won't deliver. Maybe what I should be doing is putting on the weight so they don't want me like that. So I have no way of disappointing - so that I don't become embarassed by something I just cannot do.

Today will be a good day.

I've had my tea - I might have another cup soon considering it's been a couple of hours since my last. I wonder what I'm having for dinner.

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Expect a rant later. I'm in a sad mood about the weekend and I'd like to talk about boys and how silly they are a little later on.

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I really feel like forgetting about all this right now and picking myself up a big chicken schnitzel sandwhich with lettuce, mayo and beetroot.. and lots of salt.

My mouth is watering.

These cravings are ridiculous.

PLAN.

I'll go to lunch in 2 minutes - use the bathroom and head STRAIGHT down to the harbour. No second thoughts on food.

Stay strong.