Better

Thanks for the comments yesterday - it's good to know that people are nice enough to acknowledge and sympathise with a strangers thoughts and moods.
My dad hasn't done anything horrible - has never been abusive unlike many other girls/boys fathers.
I can't speak to him though. He lives three states away.

Last night was bad.
When I got home, I ate:
Three of the chocolates my friend gave me - 296 cal (Pretty bloody psycho amount, eh?)
4 rows of chocolate @ 4 pieces a row - 400 cal
One piece of toast with tuna, cucumber and dijonnaise (I just love that sauce!) - 160 cal
1 bowl of beer battered chips - About 200 cal
(Calorie figures I picked up from www.calorieking.com.au - It's a really great site)

Anyway 1286 was pretty much my intake for the day. I'm surprised I'm not feeling more upset about it.

I'm feeling surprisingly happy. Today will be a good day. I will not eat. I will walk at lunch. I will stick to the plan of walking at lunch and living off water and No Doze for the day. Seeing how well I do by this afternoon - I might just not eat dinner.

I usually get home feeling great. I get home without the hunger and without cravings but I eat anyway because it's just the normal, routine thing to do. So I eat.. and then I eat again.. and again... because after that first bite I just can't stop.

I feel ungrateful. Shouldn't I be taking advantage of my access to all these wonderful foods and exercise machines and whatever - why can't I eat properly and exercise it all off again? Because I'm lazy. Oh well. Too bad. Maybe one day when I'm not completely taken over by society's expectations of what's attractive and normal, then I can enjoy it all.