Rant For Happiness

I've come into work with the intention of having a good day.

Good day obviously includes not over-eating. I've had a couple of cups of tea and some water. I'm feeling pretty good at the moment. Dinner will be some chicken and salad.
I'm sure I'll get stuck into those yoghurt cups again later tonight.. My mum also bought a big block of chocolate... annnnd I'm pretty sure there are some sour worms left.
I think I'd do great if I was back on the mj and could pass out after dinner. It was a bad lifestyle but I'm very thankful for it.
It also made me realise how.. shallow?.. boys are. I still attracted them.. but they weren't so obvious before.
This could be because of other reasons but apart from changing the length and tightness of my outfits - I'm not really doing anything differently. Maybe I look like an easy lay and they think they have a better chance of getting me into bed, so they're more outgoing and forward with their actions.
Maybe not. Whatever. I don't care.

But this new found attractiveness has made me notice that the boy I'm seeing is completely hopeless. He's a good 6 years older than me and I've just come out of my teens. I'm being completely old-fashioned (or maybe it's just my lack of confidence in the boy and the rejection I may face) but I feel as though he should be making the moves. Asking me out. Taking me somewhere. It's come to the point where the only time I see him is if I need a place to crash after a night out.
..He just doesn't make an effort..
So I've had a few other interests. Boys taking me on long walks. To the movies. Making the effort to come and see me and not expecting much in return.
These boys that I've hung out with never made the effort before though. I've known them for quite a while now but hadn't seen them in half a year or so.
They seem to like the look of me better. Mentioning how much weight I've lost. Most people take this as an offense.. but a compliment can be given in a sometimes offensive way.
I s'pose the question I'm asking myself.. or anyone else.. is it better to have this guy who liked me through my fatness and still does or the boys making an actual effort who only want me now that I'm a decent size?
I keep asking myself these things but then I think - I don't want a boyfriend. I'm totally happy with these drunken sleepovers. Why am I even asking these questions? - We'll see what happens eh?


Okay. So my plan for lunch today. I'm not too sure.
I feel like a packet of chips but this is where I have to stay strong. Maybe by the time lunch rolls around (2-3 hours) I wont be hungry. But if I am.. maybe I could do a bit of a swap over. Instead of the chips - I'll get some Sakatas or rice cakes. Yeah - I'm very creative.
OR Maybe I'll do a bit of a walk down to JB HIFI or some shop. No no. I'm too lazy today.
Might be time to whip out the No-Doze.


UPDATE!

It's the end of the day.
I made it through without snacking on anything horrible.
Well.. actually.. yes I did. I just ate about 7 sour worms.. all at about 50 calories each. Good one.
I had a mass dinner of chicken and salad but ended up feeling so full I purged it all.
I was happy with the outcome.
I know I'll end up eating some yoghurt cups later. But then I think about that "Fast-5" thingy.. and it seems as though right now - I'm allowed to eat it!
So. I might have one. Yes. A strawberry one - Thanks!