What do people want?
What's wrong with me?
Do people think I act strange?
Does this boy think I embarassed myself?
Does he think I ignored him? Accidently ignored him?
Was it his fault to begin with by leaving me by myself while he went off to have a line of Coke?
This boy doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things - but he matters in the fine details of my weekend. Confusing me about whether I should feel stupid for what happened or not.
Would I have felt more stupid if I'd gone back to his place?
Would I have been a bad friend if I had asked her to come back with me and stay in the spare room? Of fucking course I would be..
So why do I feel so shitty about the decision I made??
Maybe because I didn't mean to make that decision. I thought it'd be good to go and hang out a bit - but because I was drunk and off talking to some other boy - I didn't see him waiting around so I didn't get the chance to accept his offer. Does he think I'm a tart?
.. I think I might be ..
Am I an attention whore? As much as I hate the whole ?expression? of attention whore, camera whore, whatever whore - it seems to be the most appropriate name at the moment.
So, am I an attention whore? Or am I just being like every other girl??
Off topic - how skinny does Brandon Flowers look in Spaceman clip?? I know I'm not really supposed to get "thinspiration" from boys but wow. I want his fine lines.
I have so many questions. It felt good to ask them all then.. even though I wont be getting any answers.
I'm going to answer all your questions right now from what I've learned about from reading your blog. This may become a novel you know how I can never shut up.
ReplyDelete1. The only thing people want is anything that will help them get a head in life.
2. Nothing is wrong with you everybody is fucked up in some way or another (not trying to sound like a bitch but it's true). Anyone who tries to make you feel bad about yourself is just trying to make sure nobody notice what is wrong with them. So fuck 'em I think you kick some bad ass mother fucking ass or BAMF as Dane Cook puts it chick.
3) I think you act pretty normal but I mean there really is no such thing as normal but your not strange.
4) Boys suck (yeah I'm a little jaded when it comes to men but I've had some shitty relationships) As long as you act like everything is cool then he wont think you are embarrassed by your actions. Guys like girls who gets roll with flow.
5/6) These get answered together. He decided to leave you alone so he could do a few lines so if you did ignore him you had the right to because he thought getting high was more important that hanging out with you.
7/8) Yes, I think the next day you would have felt stupid going back to his place because of dragging your friend along with you and putting her in an awkward situation so you made the right choice.
9)Because sometimes making the right decision isn't the fun decision. You would have probably felt bad about it either way but you made the decision you felt was right at the time and that's all that matters.
10)Talking to another boy does not make you a tart. If he really wanted you to focus on him he would have gotten you to pay attention to him. I can tell you this with complete confidence because well I use to be some what of a slut.
11) I don't think your an attention whore. Humans by nature social creatures there are very few people who don't want to be the center of attention.
So I hoped that helped hun sorry if it didn't don't beat yourself up over it.