ummm strange.

This morning I woke up at 7:30 - I had some tea and decided to take my little pup for a walk.
Only did about an hour but she was absolutely buggered at the end of it.

Is it blasphemous to admire Nicole Richie more for not caring about how much she weighed before more than admiring her for how much weight she has lost and how good she looks now??
I was thinking before after reading a blog which had the Nicole Richie before & after and I just wished that I didn't care anymore the way she didn't.
When I was a tubby mctub - I didn't care! Me caring was totally accidental.
Like I mentioned in my first post or something...


Fucking - okay. Away from that topic.
I don't want to be liked just because of the way I look. What a shit, shit thing to want.
Honestly, these girls dressed up to the fricken max - their makeup. Their clothes. Their hair. Their bodies. Their boobs. All done up. I was just roaming Facebook and it had some chick, she wasn't the greatest looking but she had her boobs out, her hair done perfectly, caked on makeup and there were all these guys commenting her saying "oh I need a chick that looks like you" rah rah fucking rah... And I thought - who the FUCK wants that said to them?? Who wants to be wanted just cos you look like a stupid Barbie doll? - Being liked because of the way I look is just too much pressure for me. Which is funny because this is the whole point of me trying to be thinner, right? I just don't know what to do.
Where are the girls with a little bit of individuality? If I was gonna be into a chick - it'd be someone like Hana. Sorry to use you in this Hana, but you are what I mean by a bit of individuality. You pull it off so well and you're so attractive. Who would want some caked up, big-boobed chick whose looks will wear off in a few years when she has her face cut up from botox when you have someone like Hana next to you? Boys are fucked. I'm angry. Very angry girl.

Now I understand there are plenty of boys out there that would prefer someone who isn't so fake, but the majority of boys that I'm attracted to wouldn't take a second freakin look at me if there's some other done up girl next to me.