Yeyah! Normal ramble..

Today - I feel normal.
I mentioned in previous posts how nothing will be normal again, but this morning.. wow.
Very happy with myself.
The last few nights I've been waking up at 3 in the morning - gorging myself on bowls of Fruit Loops, Ice-Cream, toasted sausage sandwhiches, plums, spooonfuls of honey and hot chips. I know - it doesn't seem possible.. but it is.

So I'd wake up at 3 (jetlag, be gone!) - eat all the food I could possibly stuff into this ever-expanding stomach of mine.. Watch a bit of bad tv - Jerry Springer and other bogan tv shows. Realise that this is what I shall become if I keep up with this awful habit and then go back to sleep. Have some crazy dream about parting the heavens and being some magical genie (true!) and then I'd wake up with all the leftover rubbish from said food, scattered around me.

It's like waking up with awful memories of what you did the night before when you were smashed off your face on too much cheap wine.

I've been so embarassed!!

ANYWAY - this morning.. was different (sigh of relief) .. I woke up at a normal time (8am!!) with just an apple core next to me. I thought "Good job Gemma, you actually didn't make a fool of yourself last night, you went to bed with the right boy!" (I'm going to start using my own name now, fuck this anonymity bullshit)..

I've just had a coffee - I forgot about this beautiful caffiene high and how awesome it makes me feel. I'm happy!! -
This 4kg tyre around my waist doesn't seem so bad anymore and I feel back on track. I'm ready to face my weight gain and I'm ready to lose it again!! And it will be done. I've done it before - I was putting on weight a few months ago, eating normally.. having a sandwhich for lunch and a little treat, eating a normal dinner and maybe some toast later in the evening when I was hungry and I was steadily gaining. I took control and then got down to my lowest ever. I can do it again.

Laura from Getting There Again has just posted a blog about Chinese Buffet and how parents seem to always make their E.D kids go to it... What I notice about Chinese Buffets are the amount of bogan, inbred families that like to go and take advantage of the $4 all-you-can-eat deal.

Does this happen anywhere else, apart from Australia??

We went to a couple of buffets in Manchester and the standard of people seemed to be a bit higher.. In my area, they're all cross-eyed and they dribble - they sneeze all over the food and they pile their plates up so high, you can barely see their fat stomachs wobbling back to their seat. A seat that is so cheap it will surely break if they consume another spring roll.

Here in my area, buffets are for the cheap, un-educated families and I always feel so embarassed being in one, as though my brain power drops down about 10 points as soon as I step one foot in the door. I just can't really walk into one properly unless I'm massively hung over and/or scattered. But I guess that's what happens with most restaurants and food places.. I've never been able to eat in a restaurant or anywhere public - always passing up the lovely finger food they'd pass around at parties and different office events - never took a piece of cake at my birthday or anyone elses - never been able to eat infront of people until the last year or so - which is funny because that's when my E.D began. I always thought people were staring at me, which I'm sure is a common thought, right?? People are just looking at you - thinking what a fatty you are. Scared to get a piece of cream on the side of my mouth incase people thought I was one of those bogans from the cheap family, stuffing myself on all the cheap food incase mum didn't buy my McDonalds dinner on time.

I think I'm normal again - thank God!! .. God, do I even believe in him? I don't think so. It's just so easy to say it. I hope there's some limbo when I die though, where my baby Shadow (dog) will be running around waiting for me - my grandad will be there too and all my passed dogs. Dodger, Gypsy and eventually my little Misty girl when she goes. - I think I'm going to grow up and be a dog woman. Dogs will be my babies.