Wednesday - half week

So I am halfway through my tough week.

It hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be.

I'm hungry and craving food like mad right now.

I just want to go to my sandwhich shop.
I'd get a multigrain roll with butter, lots of mayo and mustard.

I'd also have shredded chicken, lettuce, carrot, cucumber and beetroot.

It's lunch time at the office so I'm watching everyone walk in with their bread rolls and chinese containers and I really wish that I could just join them with that.. but this is a test.
To prove to myself that I can go without.
I can go without.
I'm a strong person inside and this is my way of controlling the situation as so many other people have put it. I never understood it. I thought "well they can control anything they want to - I don't understand why they chose food" ..
But now I'm just thinking - you can see the evidence of this control more and more as you get stronger and stronger with the decisions you're making on what you can have and what you can't have. You see so many results of the control that it just makes sense to use food in that way.
I'm learning well and I think last night I succeeded in really putting the plan into motion. I held myself so well and I came up with a solution to my cravings.

Why are my cravings so massive? I'm not even hungry. I just crave it so badly.

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So I missed out on having a farewell lunch today for my old boss. We have the new supervisor who went along - very annoyed because she did not even know her - but I've had to miss out on going so I can man the telephone. I'm very tired and depressed right now. I think I might take a No Doze - bit of a pick-up eh?

These depressing moods really make me want to eat but I know the after feeling just isn't worth how it tastes for those few minutes. Stuff the taste, stuff the cravings. I'll go shopping instead.