Groan.

I thought it wouldn't happen.
I thought "I wont put on too much weight if I have just this little bit of chocolate. butter. sugary goodness" ... but I have. I've put it on. I'm still 55kg - but my stomach is completely stretched. It never sucks in anymore ... so today - I'll be living by a few new rules which I know I can achieve, because - well... I'm Gemma. Gemma is stubborn and never budges for something she knows is not going to benefit her in the best way.

SO _ I wont list the rules - because I usually slip up everytime I do write rules out.. but the jist of it is - ummm, din dins and plenty of exercise. Maybe put the bong down for a while and stop sabotaging the chances of being able to restrict like a serious, committed person.
I was supposed to be 52kg by May 30th. If I'd kept on track, this goal would have been achieved quite easily and maybe then some.



____

Today is quite packed -
Doctors this morn
Clean clean clean - Charming Boy may be coming around again tonight after his band practice - so I want the house to be spick and span before he comes over!
Some job boring piece of shit burger training crap this avo for a few hours
Clean clean clean until band practice is over ... I think.

Do I want to see him again?? I don't know - I don't know whether I want to deal with even thinking about starting to consider what might be potential for something more than plain, old friendship. I just don't like getting into the whole "does he like me like that or not?" ...
Robbo (mentioned heaps, guy I've been with for ages) .. that was all figured out so long ago with him and I haven't had to deal with the frustrating feelings of not knowing since then - and I don't want to deal with them any time soon. I'm happy the way things are - which means the answer is to not take too much notice of this new boy - but maybe this is the point in my life where I actually grow up and move into some type of relationship that actually has substance.

Maybe I'm thinking too far ahead. Hell yeah, calm down G!