None. I'm so gone.
What's this from?
I'm sad.
I'm getting in these sad periods and I don't know how to get out of it. It's like I've taken a bad pill and getting the bad side to it. I just don't know how to come out of it. I feel fine - maybe just blank. So blank!?
Who says I need to be the same for him to like me? I don't know him. He's just some guy who saw me at a concert and added me to msn. I don't need to send knicker pictures of myself - or go on webcam cos he's "sooo keen" .. fuck - go out and pick someone up at the pub for a quicky, jerkface. Just cos he's used to chicks falling over him and doing exactly what he wants them to do, doesn't mean that I need to do the same to keep his interest. What do I even want his interest for?? All I'm doing is freaking out about how fat I'll look at Homebake (concert in December, this year) when I see him and how I'm scared he wont like the look of me.. fucking get rid of him now and I wont need to worry. I'll see someone else. Find someone totally new.
Okay - I've written that out and I'm blank again. What's with these big spurts of happiness and passion and then 2 seconds later I'm completely blank again. It's shitttt.
I'm waiting for next happiness to hit me - so I can keep writing.. but it's taking it's damn time.
If my period was normal - I'd be getting them tomorrow. Fingers crossed I do. I'm getting the mood swings.. If I don't get it - I'll be taking a pregnancy test. Doubt I'm pregnant, but you never know.
I feel strong and relieved saying 'no' to people and things. I think I'll do it more often.
I finally am all caught up with your blog. It isnt a surprise to push so many guys away especially with an ed. You have to go through so much just to keep yourself in control I know its hard for me to be with my boyfriend sometimes because I just ALWAYS have major moodswings and depression. My advice is have fun. Your a gorgeous girl and seriously seem like such a fun bitchin time. Just have fun with everything and worry about yourself. One day a guy will come along and keep trying to be with you even when you push him away. :]
ReplyDeleteBtw. I love reading your blog. You are such a funny interesting person haha (I dont mean that as in a creepy way tho!) Sorry Im rambling. I doubt this comment makes any sence.
Good luck hun.
xox
the power of saying "no"
ReplyDeleteis my favourite thing now.
in the beginning you say it
without much meaning...
but now when i want to refuse
food or something...i have
a tone that means business.
not only do the others back off
but i believe i TRULY mean no.
i always have these mood swings,
i get in a dark, negative space
in my head...its also when
i lose the most cuz i push myself
with self hate too far.
but then you always fall back
into something joyful & nice :)
stay strong xox