Yesterdays post was written without much elaboration. I didn't really explain things properly and as I read over it again - it sounds very confusing!!
I'm not sure what happened yesterday - I don't know why I was so down on myself. I'm never that sad - pms comin' at me, or what.
But to everyone that commented, thankyou - it really makes me feel a lot better.
Yesterday was a magnificent day (physically, anyway) .. I did 2 hours of exercise, running, skip rope, crunches, whatevs... and 2 hours of house cleaning. I ate one small bowl of white rice with chicken stirfry. I ended up going out and having a smoke with some friends - came back and only ate 1 apple. The munchies were kicking in at full speed but I avoided the cravings and went to sleep instead.
Because of such a fantastic physical day yesterday - my emotions today are happy and intact.
I just need to make sure each day is great with my eating and exercise.. cos the next day I'm usually guaranteed a good, happy day.
What are three positive and/or strange things you have noticed about yourself since you've started restricting?
Things I have noticed since losing weight/restricting:
1. Who I Am
I've realised what I want in life. Who I am physically and emotionally. How I can manipulate the people around me (particularly boys) - My femininity has exploded and my style has reached a fine point. I know what looks good on me and I know what sounds good coming from me. I think that if I didn't go through this body/mental change, then I wouldn't have grown up. I'd be wearing clothes that I feel shit and uncomfortable in and I'd still be shy and hate myself 2387482897 times more than I do now. Realising who I am has had a huge impact on my happiness. I've never been happier! .. (but at the same time, never been more insecure) .. Also realising that I don't need to answer to anyone but myself. I don't need to be something and do something to make other people happy. At the end of the day - the girl that called me a bitch doesn't have anything to do with my overall happiness - I make my own happiness.
2. Shallowness Of People Around Me
Girls/boys/babies/adults - they all want to look at someone who is thin and pretty. I was so clouded by my fat before that I didn't see just how much effort people will put in to be around you. Girls that hated me through high school suddenly want to be my friend. Boys who didn't make much effort with me before, now try a lot harder to impress me. Adults (parents, others) are complimenting me on how nice I look - when before, they just wouldn't bother saying anything. People stare now. I never realised just how shit it was for me before when I was fat. I know I say now the attention I get is shallow - it is!! but the attention I got before - that was like pity attention. And pity attention is the worst.
3. Other People And Their Problems
I think that now, after having lived with this for around 2 years now - I think it's made me more sensitive to other peoples problems and EDs. I look at some girls now and think "wow. that girl is obviously starving herself" .. I would have looked at the same girl 2 years ago and not even realised. I think that I'm more patient with people and I have a better understanding of feelings and emotions.
So - overall - I think most of the things I've noticed are to do with mental/emotion issues. I've grown up because of this and so many new opportunities have opened up for me.
Ah, I need to allot two hours each day so that I can exercise as well!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you're happier now, and that you've realized the shallowness of the world!
I think I've become a bit more aware of people and their conditions/lives now too. Do you feel as if you can just see it in their faces?
Good luck <3